Like A Prayer

"When do people pray?" asked Father Jaime during mass this past Sunday. Automatically I began to think about the times I pray and what I pray for if anything in specific.  If I backtracked to the beginning of this year, most of my prayers started off like, " Dear God, thank you for this day of life... Can u please help me... (what I needed help in) and I promise to..." or " Dear God, I'm sorry for... (what ever I was sorry for)" or my favorite " Dear God, I know I ask for a lot of things but can you please give me... ( patience, energy, or a positive mentality were usually what I asked for) and I promise to..." Most of the time when I prayed was in times of need or struggle, and I always felt like I had to do something in return for God for helping me. This was my way of not being selfish and only asking. I was blinded by the thought that "if God didn't help me the way I had prayed for, then he really wasn't helping me." Silly me. As if I could tell God how to help me. Just because God didn't help me the way I wanted him to, didn't mean he wasn't helping me. God only knows when the time is right and it took me a little while to realize that. God will not let me down, and God will help me get through everything because after all, "All things are possible  through Jesus Christ" Phillip 4:13.

     Father Jaime said that giving thanks is the second step in praying because one should not be selfish and forget to give thanks to the Lord just because times are better and you've been helped. Looking back at this summer I went on a streak of giving thanks for everything once I was finally happy with my life and didn't feel the need to ask for anything. I gave thanks for another day, a sunny day, a rainy day, a good day at work, a day with family, a day with friends, a good conversation with my boyfriend, making someone smile, someone making me smile; everything. It felt good to just be thankful. In my head I was pretty sure God, was glad I was just being thankful too.

 Finally, Father Jaime said that the last step in prayer people reach is when one prays for others. I noticed that lately I not only pray for me or give thanks for the things that I have gotten or are grateful for, but I also pray for others and give thanks for the things others have received. Yes, I would usually pray for my family but now I go beyond that. I ask God to help those who are less fortunate, those who are in a time of struggle, those who are sick, and for those who need his guidance. I ask God to help those who have recently lost someone and are sad, to see the light. I give thanks to God, for helping those who were struggling, for those who were sick, and for those whom he guided through a rough time. I'm not sure when I began to do this but now I say things like, " I'll pray for you" or "I'll keep you in my prayers" and really pray for them. I mean don't get me wrong, I wouldn't tell someone "I'll pray for you" and not do it but I would pray maybe once or twice for that person. Now, if I say "I'll pray for you" I do on a regular basis.

So listening to Father Jaime talk about prayer on Sunday put a smile on my face because without even realizing it, I have gone through the three steps he talked about. There's just this pleasure about realizing something after it has already happened. Kind of like an "Ahh" moment; a really good "Ahh" moment. What I find most interesting is that I don't know when the change in my prayer occurred, I don't believe its a coincidence because something had to happen to cause that change. What ever it was, I'm glad for it because now when I pray, I talk to God and not just at night before going to bed like I used to, but sporadically throughout the day. I can say that I have seen God everywhere and all around because I do believe God is everywhere all the time, but it has not been easy. It's hard to see God everyday because I'm not always walking on clouds and having the greatest time of my life, but being able to see God even when my smile is upside down let's me know that I am never truly alone and that I have worked hard to be able to feel God's presence even when times are bad. 

Maybe it's living in a monastery in Puerto Rico and volunteering that has helped me. Maybe it's going to prayers a few times a week, or maybe its praying everyday all the time that has caused the change in my prayers. Or maybe it's this entire experience that caused the change. What ever it was, I'm glad for it because this is something I will cherish and carry with me for as long as I pray.